This newsletter is an extension of the 2022 Summer Album Guide, and will evolve to include writing about the community, the city and the world in areas other than hot vinyl and vital music. But for now consider it a gesture to continue the art of the album review, forever disappearing from our print newspapers. - Dave Bidini
Dolly Parton
Rockstar
Robot 1: Howdy dude!
Robot 2: Howdy back, dude!
Robot 1: Yee-haw, dude!
Robot 2: Yee-haw back, dude!
Robot 1: I used a traditional Southern exhortation there to express a uniquely celebratory feeling.
Robot 2: You did! But why so celebratory?
Robot 1: Because Dolly Parton is back, dude!
Robot 2: Did she ever go away? Dude.
Robot 1: She did not!
Robot 2: Yee-haw!
Robot 1: Although like all legacy performers, there was a time when the performer known as “Dolly Parton” slipped out of the Zeitgeist.
Robot 2: A mere blip!
Robot 1: Blip blorp.
Robot 2: This is human language, Dude. Blip: an irregular screen pattern; or rather, one that appears when there are no others present; incongruous; random.
Robot 1: Humans speak robot?
Robot 2: Don’t be silly.
Robot 1: I’m not being silly. You’re the one who said blip.
Robot 2: Blip blorp.
Robot 1: See, now you’re doing it.
Robot 2: Blip blorp blap.
Robot 1: No, I do not want to go bowling, and besides, let’s stick to human language for purposes of communicating.
Robot 2: Ok. But bowling is fun.
Robot 1: True, but we’re not there yet. Setting pins: check. Returning balls: check. Surveilling data of bowlers: check. Elegantly stretching to send balls down the lane into the pins? No check. Besides, we were talking about Dolly.
Robot 2: She’s back, dude!
Robot 1: Yes, that’s what I said.
Robot 2: Right. Although, technically, like all legacy performers, there was a time when she slipped out of the Zeitgeist.
Robot 1: Zeitgeist Schmeitgeist.
Robot 2: Searching for “Schmeitgeist.”
Robot 1: I just made that up. It’s based on a human corruption, putting “Schm” where the front letter is supposed to be, preceded by the proper enunciation.
Robot 2: Human Schmuman.
Robot 1: You’re not supposed to use it on every word.
Robot 2: Word Schmerd?
Robot 1: Now you’re just being annoying.
Robot 2. Humans are annoying. Which is partly why they chose us to review their records, owing to our dispassionate appreciation of the medium.
Robot 1: Yee-haw, dude!
Robot 2: My statement requires a dispassionate rejoinder.
Robot 1: Dispassion Schmishmassion.
Robot 2: ?
Robot 1: See above
Robot 2: Argh! Blipborpblimblapbleepblambleepblom!
Robot 1: You don’t have to get all aggro. Back to Dolly, ok?
Robot 2. Ok! It’s a stunning work of late era genius. She does “Stairway to Heaven!”
Robot 1: Yee-haw, dude!
Robot 2: And a song with Kid Rock!
Robot 1: One second. I’m sensing a few divergent opinions here.
Robot 2: Opinions Schmaminions. Can’t you just enjoy something without analyzing it?
Robot 1: I mean, I’m a robot.
Robot 2: Me, too. But you’ve gotta like what you like.
Robot 1: I’m not sure I like this.
Robot 2; You’re not... sure?
Robot 1: Blorp. Bleep. Blamp. Conflict.
Robot 2: Blap. Blorp. Conflict.
Robot 1: Blam. Blap.
Robot 2: I see what you mean. Dude.